The Week’s Worst Climate Stories (Iced In at Munich… by Global Warming)

by | Dec 22, 2023 | Environmentalism

It gets darkest just before the dawn

This week, we debut a new-and-improved logo for the climate cultists! The image of the jets frozen to the Munich tarmac was just too much to resist, so we combined it with the “melted” wind turbine to make the saddest climate cultist Christmas Tree ever conceived. Those frozen jets, of course, were chartered to take Germany’s delegation to the big climate meeting in Dubai, attended by over 70,000 delegates from all over the world. A lot of hot air got expelled in Dubai—and not all of it by private jets!—to make themselves feel good about doing something for Mother Earth. It gave us plenty of material, though, so that we say thank you.

In the latest batch of Babylon Bee-headlines-come-true, this week’s stories include more European farmers dumping more manure on more capitals, trading credits for cow farts in Canada, global warming causing sex changes in sea turtles, and Maine’s vote on net-zero policies to combat global warming was canceled due to winter weather.

(RELATED: Carbon Neutral China? Yeah, Right)

Plus, some good news: Al Gore is totally super cereally bummed about COP28, so there’s reason to celebrate.

Next week we have our year-end climate insanity wrap-up, so stay tuned for our review of 2023’s most inane climate takes. They really ramped up the rhetoric this year, so buckle up. It was a bumpy ride.

But first, we have a lot of insanity just from this week to dispense.

When Your Government Gives You BS, You Redistribute It

Many of us remember the Dutch farmers and Canadian truckers who protested their governments a couple of years ago. Canadian truckers formed a convoy hundreds of miles long, driving all the way to Ottawa to protest Prime Minster Justin Trudeau using the Emergencies Act to mandate COVID vaccines and suspend Canadians’ civil rights. In return, Trudeau used the Emergencies Act to steal the money donated to the protest through online fundraising.

In the Netherlands, farmers drove thousands of tractors across the nation to shut down its transportation system in protest of new environmental regulations that would result in the government confiscating up to 30 percent of all privately owned farmland in the most agriculturally productive nation in Europe.

The autocrats and despots in other parts of the European Union haven’t caught a clue. In France and Germany this month, similar legislative proposals have led to farmer protests there as well. Germany found itself in a pickle when, in November, its highest court ruled the government broke the law by allocating €60 billion from COVID relief funds to climate projects. The government then decided, instead of spending their money wisely, it should raise more funds by removing diesel fuel subsidies for heavy equipment. German farmers were not impressed, saying the government declared war.

French farmers were the first to get in on the… err… storm, when the government announced new agricultural taxes, limits on nitrogen fertilizer, and livestock culling.

The governments in Europe just keep stepping in it.

Speaking of What Comes Out of a Cow…

Canada long ago ceased trying to present itself as a nation dedicated to civil liberties, growing ever more bureaucratic and technocratic in its governance. Case-in-point: Environment and Climate Change Canada. This is a federal department dedicated to heavy-handed environmental regulation—like the EPA in the U.S. It just wouldn’t do if they appeared not to have a real purpose, so like the EPA, they come up with all sorts of solutions to all sorts of perceived problems.

Like cow farts. Apparently that’s a really big deal in Canada, eh?

Earlier this month the agency put out a proposal, as part of Canada’s goal of reducing methane emissions by 75 percent, to “encourage beef cattle farms to reduce enteric methane emissions by improving animal diets, management, and other strategies that support more efficient animal growth.” To do so, they’ll set up a cow fart credit market for ranchers to purchase methane offsets. They’re like carbon credits, apparently, in which emitters of CO2 bundle assets made up literally out of thin air and trade them.

“Each credit represents one tonne of emission reductions,” Global News reported, “and the credits can be sold to facilities to help them meet emissions reduction requirements or to other businesses to meet their climate commitments, the government said.” These costs always get passed on to the consumer, so just in case you thought they might try to lower inflation or something else useful, think again.

At least they aren’t trying to ban your cheeseburger, like other pundits wanted them to do, but they’re going to make them inevitably more expensive for everyone.

Climate Change and Sex Change Walk Into a Bar…

On his Junk Science blog, Steve Milloy does a monthly debunk of the worst media coverage of the world of science. This week, he covered a Washington Post article on sea turtles that claimed global warming has caused a “gender imbalance” during nesting season.

The temperature of the turtle egg nest determines the percentage of males versus females, with warmer nests producing more females. The analysis cited by the Post doesn’t even pass the smell test. At one point, it cites a large population that has produced primarily females for over 20 years, without noticing that over 20 years of production constitutes a pretty great track record for turtles. Indeed, it would only be a crisis if there were too many males, insofar as one mature male can fertilize multiple females, but not vice versa. And, as Milloy points out, “beach sand temperatures are determined by the sun, as modified by the clouds, not the atmosphere or ‘global warming.’”

Duh.

It’s Too Cold in Maine to Vote on Global Warming

On December 21, Maine voters were set to go to the polls to vote on a net-zero referendum. The Natural Resources Council of Maine got it on the ballot this summer through a seldom-used state law that allows citizens to ask agencies to change rules with 150 signatures on a petition, thereby bypassing the legislature. Radical environmental groups put together a referendum modeled on California’s extreme phase-out of internal combustion engines and other crazy laws.

A funny thing happened on the way to the polls, though:

That’s right, the vote to stop global warming was postponed because of winter weather. We sincerely hope nobody’s private jet got stuck to the tarmac.

Finally, Some Good News

The #COP28 global warming navel-gazing meeting in Dubai finally ended, and Al Gore is totally super cereal.

Other than reveling in his schadenfreude, this statement allows us to show you a gratuitous image of ManBearPig from South Park, which we hear really makes him mad. (For the copywrite folks out there, we found this on the internet here.)

southpark manpig

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